CRITICAL MOMENTS IN THE SMALL GROUP

by Steve Gladen

Caring For E.G.R.’s:

In the life of any Small Group, there will come a time when the Small Group Leader will have concerns and struggles as to how to handle difficult people within their groups. With many different personalities attending a small group each week, the Small Group Leader must have a firm handle on how to identify and care for each of the personalities within their groups. Those group members who present special challenges are called “E.G.R’s (Extra Grace Required). If not handled properly, an “E.G.R.” will impede the dynamic and overall chances for healthy growth in the small groups they are attending.

In looking at the issue of how the Small Group Leader can better care for E.G.R.’s, we find the Apostle Paul giving us three distinct E.G.R. personalities, and the remedies for getting a better handle on ministering and caring for these individuals.

Theme Verse:

“And we urge YOll, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men.” 1 Thessalonians 5:14

E.G.R. Type # 1 – The Unruly: “Admonish Them .. .”

The “unruly” group member seems to have a knack for drawing the life out of every group they attend. Week after week, they use the small group as a therapy couch, lamenting about all of the problems in their lives (which never seem to improve). This type of “E.G.R.” is completely unaware of how much of the small group’s time they are actually consuming. Upon closer observation, the unruly E.G.R. might be most properly labeled as “in need of attention.”

“Unruly” E.G.R. Character Traits

• Needy
• Loud
• Opinionated
• Controlling
• Non-repentant
• Conflict-driven

Caring For “Unruly” E.G.R.’s:

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail and you, when you have once turned again, strengthen your brothers.” Luke 22:31-32

“What They Need Most is to Be Challenged!”

1. Understand them as being under attack from Satan.
2. Pray for them for what they could be.
3. Understand the art of confrontation (one “intensity step” above).
4. Attempt to make them an ally (“Help me get others to share as you do.”)
5. Speak privately about their need to consume the group’s time.
6. Caution them that continued behavior will result in their dismissal.
7. Control the time given to each person to share (“All of us will have one minute to share on this issue”).

E.G.R. Type # 2 – The Fainthearted: “Encouraging Them …”

The fainthearted E.G.R. will most likely resemble the “church mouse” within the setting of their small group. This type of E.G.R. may have recently begun to take spiritual inventory, and are beginning to make life changes in how they think about and view God. They may spend months just attending, listening, and just “taking it all in.” The fainthearted E.G.R. may not be used to relating their faith or praying with other believers. They would feel threatened if the Small Group Leader were to put them “on the spot” to share anything.

“Fainthearted” E.G.R. Character Traits

• Quiet
• Timid
• Wary
• Guarded (non-transparent)
• Lacking Self Esteem
• Under Construction in their Faith
• Fearful

Caring for the “Fainthearted” E.G.R. “What They Need Most is to Be Cheered!”

1. Pray specifically that God would begin encouraging them to “open up” over time. Until then, be patient.
2. Understand that God is using the small group to help them reevaluate and draw closer in their faith.
3. Encourage tenderly that their attendance is “important” and” appreciated.”
4. Be careful not to put them on the spot during sharing time.
5. Affirm them tenderly that God is in control of their lives.
6. Find the one positive thing in their personality and character and build on it.
7. Affirm them sincerely anytime they share.

E.G.R. Type #3 – The Weak: “Help Them …”

The weak E.G.R. quite often is a person struggling to get” off the mat” in their lives. The storms of life have blown harshly. Many Christian E.G.R.’s in this category may have recently had a death in the family, lost a job, or may have lost it all due to a substance abuse problem. They come to the group bewildered, and wonder if God really cares for them. Many E.G.R.’s in this category are living day-to-day with economic and emotional pressures. If the truth could be known, these E.G.R.’s would tell you that they are just trying to survive Another E.G.R. in this category would be the non-believer who is attempting to get closer to God, but is finding it increasingly difficult to draw closer because of an addictive, sinful lifestyle.

The “Weak” E.G.R. Character Traits (Christian & Non-Christian)

• Coming out of tragedy
• Highly sensitive
• Barely surviving
• Faithless
• In bondage to sinful lifestyle
• Non-committal
• Destructive life patterns  

Caring for the “Weak” E.G.R.

What They Need Most is to Be Carried!”

1. Extra personal touches required (letters, phone calls).
2. Need to be loved and affirmed.
3. Never ignore.
4. Need to be taken by the hand.
5. Counseled to take life one day at a time.
6. May need specific guidance.
7. Good candidate to be the recipient of grace and gifts from their Small Group.
8. Extreme levels of patience and understanding.